Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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