Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
