Im at strip club and am horny
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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