2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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