Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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