saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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