Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
