Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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