May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can I color on your dick again?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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