i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
