my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
