And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
