Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
