I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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