No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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