That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
