Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
