New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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