You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
