my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
