this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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