Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
