We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish you could order shots online.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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