i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
