it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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