I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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