I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm both gender and math confused
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
