It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
