If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
