am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
