An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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