I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
