I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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