Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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