My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
