maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
