Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
