if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
