We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
