i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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