i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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