At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
