she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize