Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
