My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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