the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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