hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
