end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
high people should be assigned attendants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
