You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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