Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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