I didn't shave. On purpose
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize