Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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