There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
