the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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