Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
