wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All the doctor said was why
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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