i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
