He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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