There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
