More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
