you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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