I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
