my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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