Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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