This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
