wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well you can't waste a boner
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
