Please, let me fuck your mom
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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