left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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