In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
