She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
