I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
