You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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