why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize