What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
birth control should be required to get into college
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
