I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
