Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Couch. On fire.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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