Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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