Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
