Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
