i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
